Why You’ll Never Feel What They Feel

Sometimes I feel as if I am not on track. Like I haven’t quite experienced the depth of feelings that others have. I try to convince myself that this will come with time, that the big emotions will engulf me when I have had more experience of life.

I realised this as a teenager and I decided to wait patiently…

And the feelings of crazy, stupid love picked me up and slammed me against reality. God, I’d never experienced anything like it, but it wasn’t like I had been told. It wasn’t perfect.

Yes, I experienced doing ridiculous things for the man I loved. Staying up until dawn, talking and talking, even though we had work the next day. Ignoring all of the bad stuff that came with being in this relationship and just general smitten-hood (which drove my friends insane).

Then love grew and changed and evolved into something much more… ‘Long-distance’. The sprint was over and the marathon had begun. (We’re still running it by the way 🙂

But there were still other feelings I hadn’t experienced. I wondered what true despair was and whether or not there was such thing as feeling ‘god-force’. I thought often about what love truly was, whether there was such thing as soul-mates and if tears of joy would ever visit me.

Between then and now I have experienced many more emotions. Depression, anxiety, deeper love, tears of joy, tears of anger, rage, bliss… But there are still many more that I wonder about. And there are also feelings that I am still aiming for, accomplishment, for one. And I don’t even care if that comes from a place of ego, it is something I want to experience and that is fine.

There are feelings that I’m sure you strive for too. Especially as a business woman. Because for some of us, we understand that it’s not about the achievements, the money, the fame, the respect or the titles. It’s not about the pride of where we’ve come from, where we are and where we are going.

No, it’s about the feeling that we get when we think about it and when we achieve it. It’s the feeling that we get when we’ve got these things. Luxurious, respected, confident: with these feelings you know that you can do more in the world, make more of a difference and make the right decisions for your future.

We are all aiming for a feeling. {Tweet this!}

If you’ve ever heard of Danielle Laporte you will be aware of this idea. It’s not a new one, but it’s a big one. And you might have been trying it out for size, aiming for the feeling rather than the thing, the goal, the achievement.

But I have another something to throw into the equation.

Are your feelings being steered by others?

Are you aiming for a feeling depicted by actors, artists, writers and musicians?

Because I have realised that this may not be the EXACT feelings that we feel when we achieve or experience these things. When you get to the destination, you might not feel how you’re ‘meant’ to feel.

I’ll give you an example: I had a session with a life coach not long ago. We hit upon some really poignant stuff. I started to realise that I was on a high from this conversation. All of the pieces of the puzzle were staring to slot into place and I was realising some big things that I needed to move away from or look at in a different light.

Accompanied by these milestone moments was a feeling, of course.

But it wasn’t the feeling I was expecting. Instead of a mix of awe, joy, motivation and determination, I felt… goofy.

That’s at least how I would describe the giddy laughter that burst forth from me. As I went to re-enact my cycle of ‘sorrying’ for this emotion, the life coach smiled and said: “Now that’s the feeling you were looking for.”

I realised that I shouldn’t be apologising for my massive grin and high-pitched voice, I should be REVELLING in it. THIS was my joy, THIS was my awe, THIS was my inspiration. And I’d been calling it embarrassment for so long, that I had forgotten that it was totally okay for me to express myself in this way.

I started to think of all the times that I had felt this feeling. Always when I was having pure fun, when I was on to something REALLY good, or in the midst of a light bulb moment. I’m having it right now as I write these words!

But I had convinced myself that this was not the way I should be experiencing joy, or awe. I had convinced myself that this reaction was wrong, I should be tearing up, I should be speechless, I should be standing on the top of a mountain with an eagle perched on my shoulder and the wind whipping my hair across my face….

Not likely. I have cropped hair… And live miles away from the nearest mountain.

But the point I’m actually making here, is that we have been conditioned to think a certain way about emotions. That they should be expressed in the way that we have read about, or seen from other people. And this is just a load of bullshit.

We should experience feelings in the way that we see fit, in the way that comes naturally, in the way that is US. {Tweet this!}

And not EVER be ashamed of that experience.

So all those feelings of wonderment, awe, flow, god-force, joy. For me, they all boil down to ‘goofing’. Giddy joy. And no one’s going to put THAT in a film. Haha!

You can feel however you want about things. If awe to you is dizzying, or tears of joy, or a bubbling forth of laughter that is FINE. It doesn’t have to be opened mouthed, glorified, wonderment. It can be totally utterly human, your unique spin on things.

And that goes for any other emotion. Love, anger, flow, certainty, inspiration, sadness. We can have them in any way we want. We are all experiencing this world from different places and in different ways. Striving for feelings is fine, but be aware that your feelings might not come about in the ways that the best writers, or actors, or artists envision it.

They will come in your own way. And when they do, fucking embrace them! Don’t shrug them off or label them as something negative. Because that won’t help you in your task to find the other feelings, in fact, you’ll be ignoring them. Which is no good at all.

Share below what your favourite feeling is. I’m interested to know how you experience that feeling and whether you embrace that as the ‘right’ way or not.

Still giddy and goofing,

Love Fifi


Photo Credit || Kristy Hom

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Lotsa love, Fifi xoxo

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