Why You’ll Never Feel What They Feel

Sometimes I feel as if I am not on track. Like I haven’t quite experienced the depth of feelings that others have. I try to convince myself that this will come with time, that the big emotions will engulf me when I have had more experience of life.

I realised this as a teenager and I decided to wait patiently…

And the feelings of crazy, stupid love picked me up and slammed me against reality. God, I’d never experienced anything like it, but it wasn’t like I had been told. It wasn’t perfect.

Yes, I experienced doing ridiculous things for the man I loved. Staying up until dawn, talking and talking, even though we had work the next day. Ignoring all of the bad stuff that came with being in this relationship and just general smitten-hood (which drove my friends insane).

Then love grew and changed and evolved into something much more… ‘Long-distance’. The sprint was over and the marathon had begun. (We’re still running it by the way 🙂

But there were still other feelings I hadn’t experienced. I wondered what true despair was and whether or not there was such thing as feeling ‘god-force’. I thought often about what love truly was, whether there was such thing as soul-mates and if tears of joy would ever visit me.

Between then and now I have experienced many more emotions. Depression, anxiety, deeper love, tears of joy, tears of anger, rage, bliss… But there are still many more that I wonder about. And there are also feelings that I am still aiming for, accomplishment, for one. And I don’t even care if that comes from a place of ego, it is something I want to experience and that is fine.

There are feelings that I’m sure you strive for too. Especially as a business woman. Because for some of us, we understand that it’s not about the achievements, the money, the fame, the respect or the titles. It’s not about the pride of where we’ve come from, where we are and where we are going.

No, it’s about the feeling that we get when we think about it and when we achieve it. It’s the feeling that we get when we’ve got these things. Luxurious, respected, confident: with these feelings you know that you can do more in the world, make more of a difference and make the right decisions for your future.

We are all aiming for a feeling. {Tweet this!}

If you’ve ever heard of Danielle Laporte you will be aware of this idea. It’s not a new one, but it’s a big one. And you might have been trying it out for size, aiming for the feeling rather than the thing, the goal, the achievement.

But I have another something to throw into the equation.

Are your feelings being steered by others?

Are you aiming for a feeling depicted by actors, artists, writers and musicians?

Because I have realised that this may not be the EXACT feelings that we feel when we achieve or experience these things. When you get to the destination, you might not feel how you’re ‘meant’ to feel.

I’ll give you an example: I had a session with a life coach not long ago. We hit upon some really poignant stuff. I started to realise that I was on a high from this conversation. All of the pieces of the puzzle were staring to slot into place and I was realising some big things that I needed to move away from or look at in a different light.

Accompanied by these milestone moments was a feeling, of course.

But it wasn’t the feeling I was expecting. Instead of a mix of awe, joy, motivation and determination, I felt… goofy.

That’s at least how I would describe the giddy laughter that burst forth from me. As I went to re-enact my cycle of ‘sorrying’ for this emotion, the life coach smiled and said: “Now that’s the feeling you were looking for.”

I realised that I shouldn’t be apologising for my massive grin and high-pitched voice, I should be REVELLING in it. THIS was my joy, THIS was my awe, THIS was my inspiration. And I’d been calling it embarrassment for so long, that I had forgotten that it was totally okay for me to express myself in this way.

I started to think of all the times that I had felt this feeling. Always when I was having pure fun, when I was on to something REALLY good, or in the midst of a light bulb moment. I’m having it right now as I write these words!

But I had convinced myself that this was not the way I should be experiencing joy, or awe. I had convinced myself that this reaction was wrong, I should be tearing up, I should be speechless, I should be standing on the top of a mountain with an eagle perched on my shoulder and the wind whipping my hair across my face….

Not likely. I have cropped hair… And live miles away from the nearest mountain.

But the point I’m actually making here, is that we have been conditioned to think a certain way about emotions. That they should be expressed in the way that we have read about, or seen from other people. And this is just a load of bullshit.

We should experience feelings in the way that we see fit, in the way that comes naturally, in the way that is US. {Tweet this!}

And not EVER be ashamed of that experience.

So all those feelings of wonderment, awe, flow, god-force, joy. For me, they all boil down to ‘goofing’. Giddy joy. And no one’s going to put THAT in a film. Haha!

You can feel however you want about things. If awe to you is dizzying, or tears of joy, or a bubbling forth of laughter that is FINE. It doesn’t have to be opened mouthed, glorified, wonderment. It can be totally utterly human, your unique spin on things.

And that goes for any other emotion. Love, anger, flow, certainty, inspiration, sadness. We can have them in any way we want. We are all experiencing this world from different places and in different ways. Striving for feelings is fine, but be aware that your feelings might not come about in the ways that the best writers, or actors, or artists envision it.

They will come in your own way. And when they do, fucking embrace them! Don’t shrug them off or label them as something negative. Because that won’t help you in your task to find the other feelings, in fact, you’ll be ignoring them. Which is no good at all.

Share below what your favourite feeling is. I’m interested to know how you experience that feeling and whether you embrace that as the ‘right’ way or not.

Still giddy and goofing,

Love Fifi

xoxo

Photo Credit || Kristy Hom

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Business Babe: Ruth Ridgeway

Welcome to my first ever Business Babe Interview! I’m really pleased to be starting this monthly post featuring amazing business women who will set your heart alight with inspiration. And the very first babe to step into the lime light is the lovely Ruth Ridgeway.

BIO:

Ruth is a super adventurous entrepreneur with a talent for owning her uniqueness. Photographer,  website whizz and lifestyle designing extraordinaire: this girls got guts!
She knows what she wants and how she’s gonna get it, and now she’s willing to share those secrets with you!
You can find her at: www.facebook.com/RuthRidgewayCreative/

 

Hey Ruth, I’m so pleased to have you grace the pages of fifiscarlett.com. I’d love to ask you, firstly, how you find so much time to fit everything into your life?!

Thanks so much for having me, great question!

Well firstly I have to point out I have exactly the same amount of hours in my day as everyone else, I’m just super selective how I spend them!  I decided things like the time spent sitting around moaning about what’s not going right, the hours spent mindlessly in front of the TV and a Facebook addiction weren’t getting me very far.  So, they’ve either been ditched completely (I have no time for sitting around moaning!) or the time I spent on them was drastically reduced.  I was left with the same amount of hours in my day, just a whole lot more to spend on cool fun stuff, and really launching my businesses.

I’m excited about your new project, as having a lifestyle that works for each individual is something I really champion.  Tell us some more about the Lifestyle Designers Club.

The Lifestyle Designers Club is all about living your ULTIMATE lifestyle.  It’s not a one size fits all, and I help women decide exactly what they want from life, ditch the crap that’s holding them back an provide simple, no fluff, actionable steps to start achieving their dream lifestyle.

How did your business progress over the years?

My entrepreneurial background has had its fair share or twists and turns!  From a really young age, 10 or 11, I remember watching a TV program where a woman bought houses, renovated them and sold them for a profit.  She used the profits to buy a bigger house and kept repeating the same steps.  I remember thinking “one day I’m going to do that”, and so I did.  Fast forward to age 20 and I bought my first home.  With no experience whatsoever I set about learning everything I needed to renovate the homes I lived in to progress up the property ladder.  Yup, from fitting kitchens to tiling bathrooms, I learnt it!

Roll on a few years being tied to a 9-5 to pay the mortgage, I remember thinking this wasn’t fun, it wasn’t me.  I hated being told what to do, when to do it, when to holiday, what I was going to be paid month after month. I wanted freedom, I wanted my income to only be limited by my imagination and efforts. So with a love for photography I started my own photography business.

Again, I certainly didn’t know everything I need however I started. Firstly kids, then women’s makeover photo shoots and lastly to creative photography for women in business.  I kept refining and tailoring to what I loved photographing the most.  It was during this time whilst I was meeting various women running their own businesses that I made a big discovery. Whilst they all had amazing talents and big exciting goals, most were finding it challenging HOW to achieve them.  They were ploughing through working numerous hours a day, either scrambling for clients or bogged down in too much work that the lifestyle they’d dreamed about when they first started their own business wasn’t emerging.

It was right then and there I decided things needed to change, and I created The Lifestyle Designers Club. It just felt ‘right’, right to pass my knowledge and experience of something that comes naturally to me on to others so they could lead the life of their dreams too.

What has been your greatest obstacle to overcome in building and running a successful business?

Believing in yourself and listening to your own intuition.  When I made the decision to listen to my instincts and live life on my terms, everything started falling into place, both in my personal life and business.  When you go against the grain and do something different, like starting your own business, everyone seems to have an opinion – especially when you’re starting out and still finding your feet.  Sometimes those opinions come from a caring place, sometimes from a place of jealousy, so be careful which advice (and from who) you listen to.

You’ll hear it all from “your prices are too cheap, you’ll never make a successful business that way” to “wow, that’s really expensive, are you sure anyone will want to buy it for that price?”  You’ll hear a million different ways on the ‘right’ way to market your business, doubts from critiques, ‘advice’ from people who have no understanding about your business or area of expertise, recommendations on what you ‘should’ be offering… It’s never ending.

(Editors note || Read more on this topic here: The Vice of Advice)

Have the confidence in your product or service, bring value to others, research your market and understand what sets you apart from others in your field then go out there and show your customers exactly how you’re going to help them!  If you come from a place of truly wanting to help your customers, bring awesome value into their lives with amazing service, they’ll buy from you; plus you’ll also start to build a loyal following.

What’s your top tip for kick-arse goal achievement?

Really kicking-arse and achieving your goals is broken down into two for me.  The first, most important, non negotiable thing is to be laser focused on exactly what you want to achieve.  Goals LOVE you to be specific, the more specific you are the more the universe starts aligning in your favour.

For example, if you want to travel more your goal wouldn’t be ‘I want to travel’, it would be something like ‘On 31st January 2014 I’m travelling to New Zealand for 3 weeks’.  That specific, with a set timescale and turning it from a ‘want’ to an ‘I’m doing’.

The second most important thing is then breaking that goal down into bite sized chunks, and clearly organising your time, focus and effort towards that goal.

Can you share with us a time or experience that made you really proud and certain of your choice to be an entrepreneur?

Being an entrepreneur wasn’t a choice for me, it just ‘was’. The idea of being stuck in a 9-5 until I’m 65 scares the crap outta me! Along with the freedom lifestyle it brings, the proudest most awesome thing it brings is the ability to help others. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s a total feel good factor knowing you’ve really helped someone overcome a massive block, progress in their business or achieve a big goal they’ve not been able to achieve despite hours of trying and frustration! Being an entrepreneur and allowing myself to follow my own passion of helping women live life to their full potential has been the most rewarding experience by far.

What is the one piece of guidance or encouragement that you like to share with our fellow business babes?

Surround yourself with supportive, like-minded people! I didn’t have this when I started, but my confidence, wellbeing and business soared when I surrounded myself with people with the same aims and desires in life. One of the first things I knew I wanted to start when creating The Lifestyle Designers Club was a positive, supportive community you could not only reach out to, but also give back and provide that same support and encouragement to others. I created a private Facebook group dedicated to do just that, The Lifestyle Designers Hangout. And yes, it’s totally free!

I want in! How can we sign up and get lifestyle designing?!

Awesome! I’d love to have you in the Club. You’ll find me at The Lifestyle Designers Club, (launching July 1st) where you’ll find loads of free resources and actionable tips you can do straight away to start living your most awesome life. I can’t wait to see you there 🙂

 

A massive thank you to Ruth for sharing her story and expertise with us, it’s definitely got me thinking about goal setting and taking hold of my future! I recommend you check out Ruth’s Facebook page, it’s full of pictures of her crazy antics and adventures.

Completely inspired,

Love Fifi

xoxo

If you’d like to become a featured Business Babe then contact me here.

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I Want What She’s Got

Comparison: the business woman’s nemesis! Or is it?

I’m sure that at some point in your life you have been completely consumed by the green eyed monster within you. Oh yes, I’ve certainly been there.

And stepping into the world of business makes for no exception.

Business envy is up there with a lovers jealous rage. It might even be worse because you know you shouldn’t feel angry and envious of someone’s happiness and success. You know you should be happy for them, glad that they are doing well…

But, somehow, you can’t.

And that is cool. You’re human after all.

A massive part of your life experience here on Earth is to feel all of the emotions. The good, the bad and the down right ugly! {Tweet this!}

So today I want to chat a bit about how to embrace your envy and to move through it, past it, to a more harmonious space.

The first thing you’ve got to accept is that you will never have what she’s got. And thank GOD that you won’t, because if you did end up as a clone of her then you would feel super unfulfilled. Who wants to be a second rate version of somebody else?

Not you lady!

You want to be the best version of you, that you can possibly be (and that is unlimitedly amazing!)

Maybe you like the idea of her lifestyle, or the holidays that she goes on, or how polite her children are. You can have all of that, but do it in your way. Everyone has different tastes, different ways of achieving and different skills to offer the world. You need to lean towards yours, not hers.

The second thing you HAVE to remember is that you’re only seeing the highlights reel. If you follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram you are only seeing what she wants you to see. Behind the scenes everything may be falling apart, she could be crying herself to sleep at night or have big money issues. She’s not going to let on to her followers.

Even if her life really is that perfect, remember that she still shits.

Honestly, you are not going to live up to the highlights reel, accept that life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies and that we all have obstacles to contend with and difficulties in our lives. Once you start to realise that she is just as vulnerable as you are, you can let it all go and just live your life without that constant comparison.

And lastly, but definitely not least(ly). Every time you feel that feeling you can make something of it.

Oh, I love a good re-frame!

When that gut-gnawing, heart-haunting feeling emerges you know you’re onto a winner. Every time you feel any negative emotion you are in a position to expand, to understand yourself on a deeper level and to move into a higher level of awareness regarding yourself.

So the next time you feel jealous start to think about why. Question the feeling, welcoming it and ask what you need to learn from it.

Maybe it’s just the universes way of saying: ‘Hey, you can have this too!’

Or maybe it’s a recurring theme in your life that you need to debunk once and for all, untangle and release yourself from it’s claws.

Get your journal and write, write, write. Don’t think too much, just let it pour onto the page. Then re-read, then think, then know.

And finally, thank your green eyed monster for showing you what that was all about.

This feeling may come back again and again, the more you expand, the more your business grows, the more amazing women you will come across. Use them to leverage your your own growth, to make yourself aware that you can still be bigger and better, that your journey is not over.

Never let yourself believe that you are a bad person for getting jealous or comparing yourself. It’s only normal, we all want to be the best right?!

I just want you to know just how important you are, without you the face of the world would be such a different one. Without your existence so many lives would be differed and with your gift so many people would still be looking for answers. You may not know how many people’s lives you affect, but affect them you do.

Shine your light, be that positive change for people. Use your brilliance to reflect that light back to others so they know that they are also special. Be yourself, grow, learn and laugh and know that you are doing good in the world.

Compare yourself as much as you like, get jealous often and make sure you learn something from it! {Tweet this!}

What are your top tips for moving through and past jealously? Please share in the comments below.

Green-eyed with how great you are!

Love Fifi

xoxo

Photo Credit || Shelia Tostes

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The Vice of Advice

We all need good advice every now and then.

Sometimes when the weight of the world is just getting a little too much, a dose of no nonsense advice, alongside a cup of tea, can be just what it takes to get you back on your feet.

But recently I’ve felt slightly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of advice that I am bombarded with each day.

Do you feel the same?

Every time, I turn my computer on, or mention to someone that I run a business, I get inundated with an opinion or a suggestion. And sometimes I feel like I could do with everyone just backing off!

Now, I’m not being a grumpy old so-and-so, these days I’m fine with it, I can see it for what it is.

It’s advice. You can either take it or leave it. {Tweet this!}

But I remember when I first went into business, I was fearful and cautious. I SO wanted it to work, and I’d listen to anybody with half a business credential. And there were plenty of people to listen to!

And the more I listened, the more confused I got. Advice sent me whirling into a panic over practically any business decision I had to make. Level-headed-lady-boss: I was not!

It was actually a pretty hard time, I was either really down about my lack of knowledge or highly strung over things that in hindsight really weren’t that big of a deal.

Now some people are naturally very good at cutting through all the crap and getting to the source of the issue, they just go ahead and do it. They don’t give a fig about blue prints, business plans or doing the correct things in the correct order. Hell no! They set up a Facebook page and start offering their service or product without worrying that they don’t have a website or a business email.

But for the rest of us, that FREAKS us out!

Some might like structure, a step by step plan to doing it the ‘right’ way. And others might lack the confidence to go ahead and do the actually ‘business’ bit (getting clients and customers) without having a professional looking web presence.

I was certainly a mixture of both of the above.

But the people who forged ahead, avoided perfectionism and worried about tidying up afterwards are the ones that fast tracked to success.

The rest of us are going to get there too but it’ll take far longer.

And their secret… They don’t take advice!

If they took advice then they would know that a Facebook fan page is no substitute for a website. They’d know that clients won’t buy from you unless they have read at least X amount of blog posts from you. They’d know that engaging in a service without a contract is sure to have them ending up in a terrible legal battle….

I’m gonna call it: Bullshit!

All of the above is a steaming pile of crap.

Just because someone else has done it that way and it’s worked doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for you, and vice versa with ploughing ahead and just getting on with it.

The point I’m making is that any advice could be the wrong advice, and it could also be the right advice. It’s up to you to decide. But we cannot read every single pamphlet, bog post and book and believe that you must follow it in order to do well.

If you did that you’d be in utter business chaos, with contradictions every which way.

So let’s have a look at how to distinguish between advice that you (personally) should follow and advice that you should avoid.

It’s really important to remember that everyone in this world is looking in from their very own unique perspective. And the topic of advice really highlights this. You’re experiencing this world in your body, with your mind and in your own way. So you are in the drivers seat.

1) Your initial reaction should count for something.

When you come across advice you may feel a pull that says: ‘Yeah! That totally makes sense!’

Or you could feel: ‘Hmmm, well if you say so…’

You can now decide based on your initial reaction which advice is right for you.

Once you start to follow your gut, you’ll learn to trust it more and more.

2) FOMO

But you say: ‘What if it’s only out there for a limited time only? I can’t miss out on this!’

Back it up lady!

If this thought ever crosses your mind when deciding whether to PAY for or take advice then you need to let it go. You are coming from a place of fear in the decision, which will only make it harder to decide. Step away from the Fear Of Missing Out.

I’ve done this, I paid a few hundred pounds for a business course because of the fear that if I didn’t do it, I’d be stuck forever! And guess what, it did nothing for me or my business, nada!

3) Good vibrations?

Another huge factor is whether you ‘vibe’ with the person giving the advice. Do you find them pushy? Or relaxing? Are the ‘your sorta person’? Or do you not really get where they are coming from?

Most of my best advice comes from women, I just seem to vibe with the feminine energy. I also lean towards women who are relaxed and act as themselves, warts and all. I like the transparency. However, I don’t really enjoy taking advice from men, purely because it never feels right when I actually do. And that’s fine.

If you don’t vibe with the person giving the advice, you probably need to go elsewhere for it.

So now you know how to decided to take on some advice you’ll be made for your entire business career, yay! Or, maybe not?

What happens when the advice you are trying isn’t actually working at all, you get yourself worked up: ‘Am I doing it wrong? Why have I not seen the changes that others have? How is this not working for me?!’

Going through those negative and stressful emotions is natural, whether it be a weight loss programme, a business strategy or parenting advice, sometimes it just won’t work for you.

And as annoying as that is, it really is a great learning curve. This is the world telling you that you need to figure out another way to approach this problem. Maybe you could even turn that into your own programme one day and benefit from it?!

But the main reason for this is to show you how resourceful you are.

In my Business Intuition Training I teach you how to tap into your intuition to make big business decisions. It links back up to the above points of feeling within you whether a) your body reacted positively towards the advice, b) to understand the emotions you are feeling when you come across a decision, and c) if you truly vibrate on the same frequency as the person who is giving the advice.

These are all intuitive decisions and you can learn more about how to tap into that with the training. And once you do, you’ll start to see your true decision making power. You’ll never need to turn to anyone else for business advice, you’ll start to understand that it is all within you!

Awesomefest!

That’s not to say that you will block out all advice, but if you did ignore all advice for a week how do you think you would feel?

Free, fearful, focussed? Share in the comments below.

Much love,

Fifi

xoxo

Photo Credit || Anurag Agnihotri

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5 Steps To Overcome A “No”

Ever heard that word? That heart-aching, dream-crushing, wail-inducing word? {Tweet this!}

Ever been told “No”?

You’re not alone. Sometimes it is short and sharp. Sometimes kind and cringey. Sometimes it comes with a chuckle and shake of the head. Sometimes with a small apology. And sometimes with an incredulous wrinkle of the nose.

But it always feels the same, it always comes with that heart-sinking disappointment. Oh, how easy it is for one person to burst your bubble of positivity. With that tiny, little word. And then comes befuddlement, confusion: “Really? They said no?!”

Or you get all encompassing rage and anger: “How dare they turn me down?!”

Maybe you’re the sort of person that takes it on the chin: “Well, maybe next time…”

However you react, that negative word can really knock you for six if you haven’t prepared yourself for it. And this post isn’t about how to prepare yourself for it because you should never not try for fear of receiving a “no”.

I want to try and convince you that “no” is a good thing. Not for them, but for you. I want you to look at that “no” from a different perspective.

1) Firstly you need to take your emotions out of the equation for one small second. Look at the situation from an outsiders point of view, pretend for one moment that the “no” you have received means nothing to you. It doesn’t effect your business, it doesn’t effect your personal life and it doesn’t effect your emotional, spiritual or financial development.

2) Ask yourself: “How bad is the situation?” Will this send you plummeting into bankruptcy? Will it end you marriage? Will it assign you to an impending doom? Bear in mind, even after these awful life moments you can still pick yourself up and pull your life back together.

3) Now you know how bad the damage is think about how you can fix it. Write down at least 2 things that you can do to get past this problem. Now do them. Do those 2 things, however simple they are. Whether it be sending a few emails, calling on a friend for help or re-writing the entire business plan, you’ll start to feel more positive about the situation when you realise that there is a way around this obstacle.

4) Remember, this problem has been put here to test you. But don’t get annoyed and riled by this, just prove the world wrong! You will never develop or expand as a human being, spiritual entity or business babe if you don’t come up against things that will push you to your limits.

5) Quit resenting. Accept the “no”, give it a full on bear hug. After all, that “no” has probably done you a favour by sending you on a different path to bigger and better things. Once you stop boiling at the thought of the moment you were told “no” you’ll realise just how lucky you were to get that response.

From me to you, I’d like to say: congratulations on your “no”! It is proof that you are reaching new heights and creating new boundaries in that aspect of your life. Keep it up!

If you’ve had a “no” in your lifetime that has (in retrospect) done you a massive favour please share all in the comments or tweet me. How did it help you in the long run?

Here’s to “no”!

Fifi x

Four Mindsets That Will Hold You Back From Success

What’s holding you back from creating your dream life? Running your dream business? Having your dream house?

What is it about you that means you cannot be successful? {Tweet this!}

From my childhood, I wished to work as a good maker. Then I started to build the first wooden utensils. I was looking to buy the best tools like Best woodworking books, Best wood chisels

About a year ago, I continuously asked myself these questions. I would look in the mirror and feel baffled about my situation and doomed to lead a mediocre life. And now I run my own business that is expanding at a rate of knots, instead of a work-life balance I have complete cohesion between the two. I have thrown caution to the wind and given up on saving for a mortgage and am looking forward to renting a beautiful space and enjoying my life NOW.

I’m not bragging, no, no no! I’ve got a looooong way to go! There are still things that aren’t perfect, there are still places I want to go and things I want to achieve. But then life would be pretty unsatisfactory if I was sat on a yacht, in the balmy Mediterranean weather, sipping a glass of champagne without any goals or dreams for my future. Well, sorta unsatisfactory!

So I regularly think about what it was that was holding me back a year ago and what is currently holding me back from reaching my biggest aspirations. And I thought I’d share with you today what it was that created my obstacles and how you can overcome them much quicker than I did.

Here were the excuses I used to hold myself back:

1) I’m too young.

Yes, seems ridiculous for some people but a year ago I was 21 and there were so many women and men that I looked up to that were a lot older than me. I had this image of a successful businesswoman in my head, the businesswoman that I wanted to be and that image was nowhere near my age.

I seriously thought that I wouldn’t be able to be a success, to be taken seriously or to have any of the things I wanted until I was in my 30s. That meant 9 years of hard graft and working for a pittance ahead of me. Hmmm, that didn’t sound like much fun. I once had a colleague of a similar age say to me: “I know they all spent years making tea and taking out the bins but LOOK at the handbags they own now! I’d do a few years for even one Hermes!”

But why should we?! What is it in our society that says you have to, where did this “career ladder” come from? It’s not a bloody ladder, it’s an excuse to treat interns and apprentices like shit. Fact. And if that’s not bad enough, brainwash them into thinking that it’s okay because they’ll be treated to bigger and better wages if they do as they’re told.

Well, I wasn’t having any of it. We talk all day long about equality and that is what I wanted. I wanted to be able to do whatever I wanted at whatever age I wanted to. No matter if I’m 15 or 85. And just so you know, the experience isn’t the be all and end all – making tea isn’t experiencing how to make a TV program!

So stop using I’m too young/inexperienced as an excuse. Find a way around it like I did, stick on a pair of heels and walk tall and anyone can be fooled. Fake it to make it, and make it early!

2) Someone’s already doing it better than me.

Course they are! Don’t be naïve and think that you’ll hit the jackpot with an idea that nobody else has had. In most cases, it’s true that all of the original ideas have been had, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t do it in an original way.

Yes, someone might be doing it bigger and for longer than you, but they are not you, they can’t ever be YOU. Your way of doing it will attract the clients and customers that are suited to YOU and no one else. So quit beating yourself up over what someone else is doing and get on with it. If you don’t think what your doing is worthwhile then how are you going to convince a client to book you!

Sorry for the tough love, but I learned this the long and hard way. I’m telling you now that you can do it just as good (if not better) then the rest of them.

3) I’m scared of being different.

This is a big one for me. And it isn’t really how you’d think. I’m not scared of being different in business, or in the way I dress, or in what I do. I’m scared to be different from my family.

Not so much anymore, but I still have a slight fear of growing apart from them. I fear that my personal development, the money I make and the lifestyle I lead will be so different from that of my family that I will inevitably drift away from them. And not just from my family, from my partner. I’m scared to leave him behind. Or for him to feel that we are no longer a fit.

Your family and friends might not understand all of the time but they will try their utmost to support you if they REALLY love you. And if they don’t, then maybe it’s time to move on, make space for the bigger and better things in your life. You’ll be surprised that letting go of even one person who is unhealthy for you will open plenty more doors for beautiful people to enter your life. And along with them, beautiful opportunities.

4) There is too much to do and I cannot see the end of it!

On so many occasions I have looked at the mountain of work ahead of us and thought: How is this even achievable? Honestly, it is ahead in hand moment that ALL business owners have, you’re not alone.

The only way to get past this one is to take a big deep breath. Write out – in order – EVERYTHING you need to do. Sounds a bit scary, like it might push you over the edge… It might. But you need to face up to the sheer amount of things to do. Because once you have, you can start to break it down. Take things to step by step. But most importantly it should give you the kick up the backside that you’ll need to get going!

If any of the above are holding you back, I feel ya girl! But if I can get past these blocks then you certainly can. Being successful comes in many shapes and forms and whichever you have imagined can be yours. And once you’ve achieved that then always look for the next thing, always push yourself, always feel an element of being out of your depth. If you can do that when you’re on the right path and you’ll look back at these above fears and laugh.

What mindsets have you recently shifted and how has doing so help you? Please comment to share and inspire.

Success is yours! Believe it.

Here To Simply Be

Short and sweet today: a ‘download’ I had whilst sat on a train watching the landscape pass by…

You are not here to ‘do’ anything. You are not even here to ‘learn’ anything. Although both of these are part of the process of life.
No, you are here to simply ‘be’.

Each baby, when born, is described as perfect, a gift, a miracle. That baby brings with it into the world so much joy, so much love and so much awe.
It will teach its parents and family so much about themselves, and create change.

I ask you this: what has changed between now and then for you?

It is simply one thing, your relationship with yourself.

Conditioning, experience and beliefs have effected your view of yourself. Instead of unselfconsciously expressing yourself through ‘being’ you now try to express yourself through ‘learning’ or ‘doing’.
You create hoops to jump through, limiting beliefs to work against, reasons and excuses to squash your light, joy and love.

It’s starts as soon as we become conscious. We also become self-conscious.
It might show up in how you feel about your body, maybe in how you handle your career or business and most of all in the way you interact with people, your relationships.

Because you believe, that people believe things about you. You believe that you need to do, say or be something to earn their respect, to manipulate their beliefs of you.
Well you don’t, because firstly, they don’t really care about what you do. And secondly, if you were how you are, people would automatically respect you. Admire you, covet you, adore you!

And then the doing, the learning, the way you go about life is purely about making YOU happy.
How about that for a truthbomb?

Questions? Hit me up in the comments or come and join the conversation. 

Love Fifi
Xoxo

P.S. This message was channeled for, and dedicated to, my dear friend Sophie.

Photo Credit: Robert Couse-Baker

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How To Choose And ‘Meet’ Your New Cards

Happy Wednesday lovely!

It was a Full Moon last night and I’m feeling all fresh and dandy after my ritual last night. So let’s talk about magic (my favourite topic) and in particular the magic of tarot and oracle cards.

After working with my clients their number one question is: “Wow, I really need to get myself a deck! How on earth do you go about doing that?”

And another question follows once they’ve gone out and chosen one: “But… what do I DO with them?”

Choosing and reading your cards doesn’t have to be difficult so don’t let your head get in the way of this wonderful moment. When I first chose my cards I made it an incredibly long and drawn out affair (post to come on this soon!) and I don’t want you to do the same. Since that first deck I have learnt so much about myself and the cards and how to go about really letting intuition lead me. And that is what I want to talk about today.

BUYING THE CARDS

There are two ways to go about buying your cards. The first is to actually go to a shop.

Metaphysical and crystal shops are some of my favourite places! When you walk in you notice that the majority of people in there are… NORMAL. And the staff are super friendly and want to talk EVERYTHING spiritual. Most of them hold workshops and classes across so many different types of spiritual techniques and processes; from meditation to crystal healing and they are a fabulous place to meet like-minded people.

If you feel worried at all, go with an equally intrigued friend (I took my sister the first time!) and don’t be afraid to ask questions even if you think they may seem stupid… They are NOT.

Choosing your cards is the really fun bit! Hopefully the shop you find has a good choice, and the only advice I have here is to go with what resonates. Imagery really does resonate differently with different people. If angels are something that you feel drawn to then maybe a pack of angel cards. Or if you prefer magic and witch craft then there will be a deck that leans toward that.

Be very aware of where you eyes lead you, particularly if you have a favourite colour that you keep being drawn to on the shelf. Don’t overthink it! Reach out and pick up the deck that you feel most drawn to, even if it isn’t something you thought you would choose. Remember, you can always buy more decks if you want to!

The other way to choose your deck is online, and this means that you can get sucked into hours of research. It can be fun, but also somewhat of a time-wasting exercise… #justsayin’

I would recommend a site called Aeclectic Tarot which has pretty much all the available decks with some of their imagery for you to view at your leisure. Even now, I’ve just opened that site and I’m being sucked into the beauty of many of the decks! *Quickly closes tab!*

Go through the same process that you would at the shop and go with your gut instinct. Don’t overthink it and you will walk away satisfied.

MEETING THE CARDS

Now when I went to the shop I intended to buy another pack of tarot cards for this post but I walked out with an angel oracle deck! Just goes to show that sometimes you just have to go with the flow… So I thought it would be really intriguing to do a typical tarot spread with oracle cards and see what came up.

These cards in particular are about connecting to your guides and angels and really starting to listen to their guidance so they could almost represent that connection and guidance. When you first get your cards home and you find some quiet time to ‘meet’ them, I suggest that you DON’T go and read the whole booklet that comes with them first.

Doing so will take blur the lines between intuition and external knowledge taken on. Firstly, remove the cards from the box and set your intention with them. These cards have a lovely little prayer that you say before you begin. Here is my interpretation of that prayer/intention:

Dear Universe, 

I ask that each reading I give with these card brings great joy to myself and to others. Help me to hear, see and feel the messages that you have for me and allow me to connect fully to my inner-wisdom. 

Thank you.

Shuffle your cards as you say these words and then ask the deck to reveal itself….

There are many ways to select the cards, but to make things simple for your first reading you can just pick the top six cards. If you are worried that you won’t have a broad enough selection from the top six then just randomly select them from the deck. Again, I reiterate, don’t over think it!

If it helps then pretend that the cards are blank on the other side, the picture won’t appear until you turn it over, and that way you cannot choose the wrong one! Then lay the cards out in the above spread. This is what each card will tell you:

Card 1 – This position will show you what your deck’s most important characteristic is. Think of it as the deck’s personality, maybe it’s a joker, or a nourisher, or maybe it’s very blunt and to the point.

Card 2 – This position will show you the deck’s strengths. The answer to this will give you an idea of what you should use this deck for, such as business decisions, or for clarity in life choices etc…

Card 3 – This card with show you your deck’s limits. The opposite to strengths, this will show you what NOT to ask your deck. If it isn’t great with love advice, use another one!

Card 4 – This position will show you what your deck wishes to teach you. This is a very interesting one as it will highlight what the deck wants to give you guidance for and in.

Card 5 – This card is the collaboration card, it will describe to you what your working relationship will be like with this deck.

Card 6 – This position will show you what the highest potential of your work together will be.

To interpret your cards let yourself sink into each image, if you are working with oracle cards then you will have more guidance from the words but do not let them dictate the exact message you take away. I will show you how I interpreted this reading so you can really see it in practise.

So what did my deck have to say to me!?

So here it is, the introduction to my new ‘Messages From Your Angels’ deck.

Let’s start with Card 1, my deck’s characteristic.

Isabella – ‘Yes, the timing is right for this new venture. A happy outcome follows your positive expectation.’

As my first Angel Cards I would suggest that this is linked to my connection with the Angels and my commitment to get to know them better. As a character I see the deck as quite sensual and confident, there are certainly echoes of the theme of love and sexuality. The deck is one that helps me to expect the positive in my love life and to use my connection with the Angels as guidance in this area of my life.

Card 2, my deck’s strengths. 

Celeste – ‘A happy move to a new home or place of employment is in the works. This move will usher in positive new energies.’

Although my deck has suggested that it is a sexy and sultry type it also has good life and business advice (what a talented deck!). These themes of moving home and work place is big for me this year and what a blessing to have a deck that will see me through these uncertain times. I will certainly be using this deck to decide on travel plans and what to do with my business. If I concentrate more on the imagery here it looks like I will be visiting some exotic places and again connecting to my femininity and power whilst there.

Card 3, my deck’s limits. 

Omega – ‘Victory! Your desire is coming to fruition. Keep up the good work!’

Now this is NOT a card for you to go and get all worried about. This just highlights what you should not be using this deck for. This card tells me that I shouldn’t ask the deck questions when I am in a place of lack or doubt. It is not a deck to reassure or remind me of my power as it is unbending in it’s faith that I will succeed and wants nothing more to say on the matter. Don’t mess with an angry unicorn.

Card 4, what my deck wants to teach me.

Arielle – ‘New psychic and spiritual experiences are changing the way you experience the world and yourself. Allow your spiritual gifts to open –  through study, prayer and meditation.’

Well, I think that pretty much speaks for itself. Any of you who know me or know of my spiritual journey already know how ‘fast-tracked’ I am! And this is great news as I now have a specific deck that I can rely on to teach me the wisdom that is within. Again, this links back to a connection with the Angels and it excites me a lot! Watch this space!

Card 5, how I will collaborate with my deck.

Shanti – ‘I am the Angel of Peace. I bring you new tranquility, and a smoother road ahead.’

That is a lovely message and one that I teach often. I truly believe in EASE and this deck will help me to integrate this lesson fully so I can then go on and teach others how to do the same. Together this deck and I can figure out how to live and travel the road with ease. Awesome!

Card 6, the highest potential of our work together. 

Adriana – ‘I am leading you towards the answer to you prayers. Please listen to and follow the steps I am communicating through your intuition, thoughts and dreams.’

Yes, this card again is spot on and a wonderful, wonderful message! I am so happy I bought this deck as I am definitely like the children in this card, innocent and willing to learn, to give over trust to my angels and spirit guides and let them lead towards my dreams and life purpose. The journey up into the spiritual realms can be daunting at times and this deck will be the assurance I need that I am going in the right direction, as long as I always choose to trust my intuition.

This spread will gee you lots and lots of information to digest and will really lift your vibration and get you excited to interact more with your deck and your guides. There are many more things to notice which I do not have time to explore in this post (such as the fact that ALL of the cards are female Angels…) and I have utmost faith that you can really listen to your instincts and intuition to hear all of the messages that you deck will have for you.

If you would like to take it further you can always meditate on each card, take time to visit each card and the characters within them to have a discussion about what the meaning of their appearance is. It can be a very beautiful experience.

If you have any questions at all then please comment below, or hop onto the list and join the discussion in the community! I will be doing free weekly readings in there for my tribe so don’t miss out!

And don’t forget to let me know how you get on and what you learn from your cards!

Love Fifi

xoxo

I’m Going To Be My Own Darn Valentine: The Story Of Self-Devotion

It’s February, but I’ve finally realised what this year is all about for me. It’s come at a time where love becomes the focus of the media and the world, the build up to valentines day. And it’s a theme I want to share with you so you can draw it into your life.

This January I spent a lot of money. And it felt GOOD.

Not often do I spend money and not have a backlash of thoughts about it being a waste or that I’m not being responsible or investing it wisely. But £1500 later none of these thoughts were popping up.

I have been working hard on my money blocks and stories but this was because of another thought that I had playing across my mind.

It’s okay, because I am devoting myself to me.

Lots happened for me in January. One of the big life changes was breaking up with my boyfriend of five years. He was my forever man, my future husband and father of my children-to-be. Or so I thought at the age of 18…

Turns out we were young and naive when we met and love isn’t always the only reason to stay with someone. It was the most easy and beautiful break up, mutual, emotional and from a place of love. And I will share the full story with you soon.

But there was this moment in time in January when I was in total self-turmoil. WTF was I going to do with my life?!

All my hopes, dreams and life goals had included him. And now he wasn’t a factor.

So what would I do? How could I reorganise my life direction, my thoughts and my goals. 

When you have been in a relationship from the age of 16 you never really have a chance to understand who you are. And when I have transformed so much in the last year I haven’t really had time to catch up, realign and accept myself fully.

So that is what 2015 is going to be about. Understanding myself. Treating my self as I want to be treated.

So that chunk of money sat in my bank account waiting to be invested, has been. It might not have gone into the stocks and shares that it was intended for but it has gone into me treating myself as I should be treated.

Act as if and all that jazz. 

I am not going to go chasing after another relationship to validate that I am a good person or that I deserve love. No, I am going to drop all the pretences and love myself this year.

I am devoting myself to the balance of my mind (untangling both blocks from past lives and from childhood), body (embarking on my health in order to raise my physical energy) and spirit (delving into my spiritual practises on a more committed and intense level).

This trinity is sacred to me. And having neglected them and not balancing them I have truly neglected myself. And in the centre of this trinity lies my heart, and now I am willing to listen to it.

No more neglect. It’s time to love me…

I’m going to be my own darn Valentine.

Watch this space and I’ll keep you in the loop 🙂

How are you going to devote yourself to YOU this year?

Love Fifi

xoxo

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Mind Over Matter

If you follow me on Facebook then you may have seen that I had a bout of illness (like only a day of feeling sorry for myself) after 2 YEARS!

You may be wondering how I have avoided duvet days and snot attacks for so long… Well, that would be one of my biggest manifestations. Although I do get aches and pains – mainly due to my lack of exercise – I never seem to get ill. Which is a far cry from a few years back when I worked in the city, I’d constantly have one virus or another. But one day, I just DECIDED that I was the sort of person that never gets ill. A bit like you may have ‘decided’ that you are a sickly person, or a cold person, or someone who has a slow metabolism…

Belief is a massive part of why I don’t get ill, changing my story is a HUGE part of it.

You know as well as I do that like attracts like. You know all about how positivity can make positive things occur and how a negative outlook on life can draw the very worst things into your life, or send you spiralling into one crappy situation after another.

But there is something else, something much subtler, that is also effecting you everyday. In my post about self-help books I used an example of how conditioning of your environment, your experiences and everything you come into contact with, effects you on a much deeper level then you can imagine.

So all your life you have grown up with a personality that is effected by what others thought of you. For instance, being the youngest of four girls (and the cutest…) I was instantly titled ‘The Spoilt Brat’. The one who got everything she batted her little eyelashes for. I was also ‘The Lazy Bum’, the one who Mum did everything for, the one who couldn’t even put her plate in the dishwasher. I can see their eyes rolling in exasperation even now!

So there you go, Fifi, your personality is dictated for you as spoilt and lazy. And of course a 5 year old starts to live up to the descriptions they are given. I have also been called ‘Skinny’ – funny how I never put on weight! And am forever being bought fluffy pairs of socks because I am a ‘Cold’ person.

But is any of this true?

Whether I have deemed myself it or others have, am I really this person that we all think I am or could I be the girl who always has warm hands and can’t eat a McDonald’s because ‘A moment on the lips is a life time on the hips!’?

I believe not.

And I will tell you why. I am what we call a Mills Girl. This means that I am from a family of women who don’t take shit from men, in fact we keep them on a tight rein, dictate exactly how we want things to be and joke that our partners bollocks are kept in our handbags. We are feisty, fierce, fiery. We are a force to behold!

And that’s before you’ve even gotten on the wrong side of us.

Well, yes, I am loath to say that I did live up to this stereotype for quite a number of years. My poor first boyfriend, he must’ve been utterly terrified! I was a fucking PRINCESS, I got my way every time and didn’t think that this was a bad thing at all.

But, hey, this has been passed down from my Irish-blooded mother! My Mum is adamant that we will never let men walk all over us like her mother did. Women have mouths and brains and can do anything just as well as any man. True, but we can still be nice to them, right?

Anyway, I digress. What I’m trying to say is that I am no longer like this. I am now in a relationship with a man who’s wants, needs and points of views I value. I no longer stamp my feet, I try to see things through his eyes. I no longer put him down, I build him up, I support him. I no longer control every single thing we both do, no I do my own thing, he does his.

I don’t have to be in charge, like I was with previous boyfriends. We’re a team, a totally awesome team! I’ll always stay true to my feminist roots, but I will adapt them to fit with my idea of a harmonious world, thank you very much!

So that means we can change our personality…?

Yes!

I know you can, it takes time. A lot of tongue biting and mulling things over. But it is doable.

I am no longer a spoilt, lazy brat either, just if you’re wondering. I am a supportive, helpful, compassionate woman (if I can say so myself!)

So all these things that we’ve been told all of our lives, all the things you had taught yourself that you are can be undone. So, if you are cringingly shy, you can learn to be an extrovert. If you a terrible at sport, you can become a medal winning athlete. If you are always living hand to mouth, you can teach yourself to handle money better and maybe even become a millionaire!

Anything is possible, it’s all about the top two inches: your mind, your brain.

And if you are sitting reading this thinking I have got to be talking complete horse shite then take a look at that thought that is coming up in you. Think of the particular thing that will never change about you, ask yourself why? What thoughts or memories come up for you? Are they stories you’ve been told, or are they the truth of who you were when you were a tiny babe?

It’s is a little bit of a mind blowing subject matter. To think you can change who you are and even how your body reacts to things by merely using your mind power! But imagine what you could change about yourself, imagine if you could be the person you had always wanted to be!

What stories have you been told about yourself? Who were you labelled to be as a child and have these labels been carried through to adulthood? Do you think that it’s time to change your story?

Be BRAVE and share your thoughts below, or spread the love by tweeting this out or sharing on Facebook with the social media buttons below. Sharing definitely is caring!

With mind over matter,

Fifi