I’m Going To Be My Own Darn Valentine: The Story Of Self-Devotion

It’s February, but I’ve finally realised what this year is all about for me. It’s come at a time where love becomes the focus of the media and the world, the build up to valentines day. And it’s a theme I want to share with you so you can draw it into your life.

This January I spent a lot of money. And it felt GOOD.

Not often do I spend money and not have a backlash of thoughts about it being a waste or that I’m not being responsible or investing it wisely. But £1500 later none of these thoughts were popping up.

I have been working hard on my money blocks and stories but this was because of another thought that I had playing across my mind.

It’s okay, because I am devoting myself to me.

Lots happened for me in January. One of the big life changes was breaking up with my boyfriend of five years. He was my forever man, my future husband and father of my children-to-be. Or so I thought at the age of 18…

Turns out we were young and naive when we met and love isn’t always the only reason to stay with someone. It was the most easy and beautiful break up, mutual, emotional and from a place of love. And I will share the full story with you soon.

But there was this moment in time in January when I was in total self-turmoil. WTF was I going to do with my life?!

All my hopes, dreams and life goals had included him. And now he wasn’t a factor.

So what would I do? How could I reorganise my life direction, my thoughts and my goals. 

When you have been in a relationship from the age of 16 you never really have a chance to understand who you are. And when I have transformed so much in the last year I haven’t really had time to catch up, realign and accept myself fully.

So that is what 2015 is going to be about. Understanding myself. Treating my self as I want to be treated.

So that chunk of money sat in my bank account waiting to be invested, has been. It might not have gone into the stocks and shares that it was intended for but it has gone into me treating myself as I should be treated.

Act as if and all that jazz. 

I am not going to go chasing after another relationship to validate that I am a good person or that I deserve love. No, I am going to drop all the pretences and love myself this year.

I am devoting myself to the balance of my mind (untangling both blocks from past lives and from childhood), body (embarking on my health in order to raise my physical energy) and spirit (delving into my spiritual practises on a more committed and intense level).

This trinity is sacred to me. And having neglected them and not balancing them I have truly neglected myself. And in the centre of this trinity lies my heart, and now I am willing to listen to it.

No more neglect. It’s time to love me…

I’m going to be my own darn Valentine.

Watch this space and I’ll keep you in the loop 🙂

How are you going to devote yourself to YOU this year?

Love Fifi


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Lotsa love, Fifi xoxo

Mind Over Matter

If you follow me on Facebook then you may have seen that I had a bout of illness (like only a day of feeling sorry for myself) after 2 YEARS!

You may be wondering how I have avoided duvet days and snot attacks for so long… Well, that would be one of my biggest manifestations. Although I do get aches and pains – mainly due to my lack of exercise – I never seem to get ill. Which is a far cry from a few years back when I worked in the city, I’d constantly have one virus or another. But one day, I just DECIDED that I was the sort of person that never gets ill. A bit like you may have ‘decided’ that you are a sickly person, or a cold person, or someone who has a slow metabolism…

Belief is a massive part of why I don’t get ill, changing my story is a HUGE part of it.

You know as well as I do that like attracts like. You know all about how positivity can make positive things occur and how a negative outlook on life can draw the very worst things into your life, or send you spiralling into one crappy situation after another.

But there is something else, something much subtler, that is also effecting you everyday. In my post about self-help books I used an example of how conditioning of your environment, your experiences and everything you come into contact with, effects you on a much deeper level then you can imagine.

So all your life you have grown up with a personality that is effected by what others thought of you. For instance, being the youngest of four girls (and the cutest…) I was instantly titled ‘The Spoilt Brat’. The one who got everything she batted her little eyelashes for. I was also ‘The Lazy Bum’, the one who Mum did everything for, the one who couldn’t even put her plate in the dishwasher. I can see their eyes rolling in exasperation even now!

So there you go, Fifi, your personality is dictated for you as spoilt and lazy. And of course a 5 year old starts to live up to the descriptions they are given. I have also been called ‘Skinny’ – funny how I never put on weight! And am forever being bought fluffy pairs of socks because I am a ‘Cold’ person.

But is any of this true?

Whether I have deemed myself it or others have, am I really this person that we all think I am or could I be the girl who always has warm hands and can’t eat a McDonald’s because ‘A moment on the lips is a life time on the hips!’?

I believe not.

And I will tell you why. I am what we call a Mills Girl. This means that I am from a family of women who don’t take shit from men, in fact we keep them on a tight rein, dictate exactly how we want things to be and joke that our partners bollocks are kept in our handbags. We are feisty, fierce, fiery. We are a force to behold!

And that’s before you’ve even gotten on the wrong side of us.

Well, yes, I am loath to say that I did live up to this stereotype for quite a number of years. My poor first boyfriend, he must’ve been utterly terrified! I was a fucking PRINCESS, I got my way every time and didn’t think that this was a bad thing at all.

But, hey, this has been passed down from my Irish-blooded mother! My Mum is adamant that we will never let men walk all over us like her mother did. Women have mouths and brains and can do anything just as well as any man. True, but we can still be nice to them, right?

Anyway, I digress. What I’m trying to say is that I am no longer like this. I am now in a relationship with a man who’s wants, needs and points of views I value. I no longer stamp my feet, I try to see things through his eyes. I no longer put him down, I build him up, I support him. I no longer control every single thing we both do, no I do my own thing, he does his.

I don’t have to be in charge, like I was with previous boyfriends. We’re a team, a totally awesome team! I’ll always stay true to my feminist roots, but I will adapt them to fit with my idea of a harmonious world, thank you very much!

So that means we can change our personality…?


I know you can, it takes time. A lot of tongue biting and mulling things over. But it is doable.

I am no longer a spoilt, lazy brat either, just if you’re wondering. I am a supportive, helpful, compassionate woman (if I can say so myself!)

So all these things that we’ve been told all of our lives, all the things you had taught yourself that you are can be undone. So, if you are cringingly shy, you can learn to be an extrovert. If you a terrible at sport, you can become a medal winning athlete. If you are always living hand to mouth, you can teach yourself to handle money better and maybe even become a millionaire!

Anything is possible, it’s all about the top two inches: your mind, your brain.

And if you are sitting reading this thinking I have got to be talking complete horse shite then take a look at that thought that is coming up in you. Think of the particular thing that will never change about you, ask yourself why? What thoughts or memories come up for you? Are they stories you’ve been told, or are they the truth of who you were when you were a tiny babe?

It’s is a little bit of a mind blowing subject matter. To think you can change who you are and even how your body reacts to things by merely using your mind power! But imagine what you could change about yourself, imagine if you could be the person you had always wanted to be!

What stories have you been told about yourself? Who were you labelled to be as a child and have these labels been carried through to adulthood? Do you think that it’s time to change your story?

Be BRAVE and share your thoughts below, or spread the love by tweeting this out or sharing on Facebook with the social media buttons below. Sharing definitely is caring!

With mind over matter,